All the advice on writing blogs is to give them a snappy, interesting title. This one isn’t but it suits my mood tonight.
From what I understand of Einstein’s theory relating to time and light, the faster a body moves then the slower the world/universe is seen to move around them. I think the usual model given here is that of a train where the passengers perceive actions outside the train as being slower, and those outside the train see things on the train as happening more speedily – science fiction films often use some kind of strobe effect to show this. Well, life with an unconfirmed diagnosis of cancer is a bit like that, it feels as though my wife and I are experiencing time at a different speed to the rest of the world whenever my cancer is an issue – which it is most of the time. Let me give you an example. I went to the surgeon’s office last Thursday, some six days after the biopsy sample had been taken, and the doctor we saw had his staff chasing up the lab to try and get the results of the biopsy faxed over from the lab – he was moving at the same speed as my wife and I, the lab wasn’t, to them, it seems as though time was moving at a normal rate and we had been accelerated, to us it was the other way around. I’m due to visit the surgeon again tomorrow, Tuesday, for more post-op checks and when we’d last seen him he was hopeful that the lab would have sent over the results but when I phoned today the results had yet to arrive and his office staff were still chasing the lab to try to get them, so once again a difference in the way we experience the speed at which time passes.
Why is time passing more quickly for us? I guess it is because we are measuring the passing days against a potentially accelerated death with each day being a larger and larger proportion of that unknown time, whereas the lab is simply saying “This test takes x days and when it’s done it’s done, sorry”.
The good news tonight is that when my wife removed the pad from my dressing there had been no more bleeding. The bad news is that the lump seems harder than it did the last time we could feel it and, according to my wife, it also seems more pronounced. I agree it feels a little harder, though after not touching it for over a week it is difficult to be sure, and as to it having grown, I really couldn’t say as, having had some of it cut away it is a different shape. This visual and tactile inspection of the lump has lead to a further increase in speed of the passage of time for my wife who is now desperate to get the lab results so that, if treatment is necessary, it can start at once as she believes this thing is growing and possibly spreading.
Maybe we’ll find out tomorrow.