For the past few days I’ve felt really grotty, tired, emotional (I actually started crying when my wife sat next to me the other night) and frequently getting into a cold sweat. My temperature has varied between the low ninety-nines farenheit and the low one hundreds farenheit. At one point it hit 100.3F but, when I instantly retook it, it was down to 99.8F. It’s not the thermometer as we cross checked with an old fashioned mercury one. On top of this, I’ve had a vague tenderness in my neck and, when I turn my neck it has been slightly painful as if compressing something. My neck has gone from feeling thick and swollen to feeling as though there is a new lymphoma there, but the swelling around it now seems to have reduced and the pain and tenderness have gone. What is it? We don’t know. We’ve read the literature, we’ve surfed the web and we’ve even phoned the nurse line but the best we can guess is it may be this or it may be that or it may be something else. Hopefully, when I go for the start of my second cycle of chemo on Tuesday, my oncologist will be able to be more definitive. Hopefully. On the plus side my hair seems to have pretty much stopped falling out and my wife said with some pleasure that she thought I had a nicely shaped head. Just the kind of compliment a guy wants to hear!! My beard is starting to look as though it might belong to either Michael Finnigan or Paddy McGinty’s Goat and I would be very surprised if I’ve maintained body weight this half cycle.
I’ve been trying to give some thought to what “fighting cancer” might actually mean from my perspective but right now I’m tired and losing co-ordination so I think those thoughts will need to wait for another day.