It’s silly o’clock in the morning

Once more I’m reading the blogs about cancer, about chemo and now about oncologists. It’s really surprising to me how different words turn up totally different blogs.

First let me deal with why I’m awake: it isn’t to do with the lymphoma, well not directly anyway. If you’ve read any of my earlier blogs you’ll know that the main side-effect I’m getting is fatigue and a time-shift which Dr Who might well envy! Night becomes morning, morning becomes afternoon and afternoon can become anything. Last night I only got three to four hours sleep but today I felt physically OK so I mopped the floor. Naturally that wiped me out as I’d thought it might do, so around 4.45 p.m. I went to bed for a nap, woke up just before 7 p.m. and here I am now at almost 2 a.m. busily trying to occupy myself. It has to be the chemo, right? What else could it be? I know it’s expected to make me feel tired and fatigued, that’s natural enough when you are pumping chemicals into your body which are really trying to kill it. I mean it makes sense that your body says, “Do we keep him on his feet and running about or do we send the energy to the defences? Defences it is then!” I can understand that, and everyone I spoke to said the chemo will leave you sleeping a lot. But it hasn’t! Is there something in there they didn’t tell me about that acts like an energiser of some kind? I could see that going down a bomb at the Olympics. –

Chemotherapy Patient Beats Usain Bolt in 100m Final 

Naturally this would be followed up by the usual doping tests only to discover that the ABVD drugs aren’t on the proscribed drugs lists for athletes. I guess I’m back in Monty Python mode lol.

Reading the blogs really does me a power of good. There are blogs which make me cry, not really from sadness but just from being overwhelmed by the emotional feelings released in me as someone recounts their story and what they are doing. There are others where people are pretty much matter of fact about everything. There are blogs by the cancer patient’s family. There are even one or two blogs where the cancer patient has had a goodbye posted posthumously and I think that must take great courage to write as well as being a very emotional experience for the family involved in the posting. The thing  which strikes me most though is the humour that runs through them. Nearly every blog has a humorous slant at some point and that’s great. I really think humour is an excellent sign that someone is being positive and we all know that being positive is good for us.

The blogs which give me pause for thought are those which just stop. They seem to end in mid-air almost. There’s nothing building up to them ending, there’s no statement that they are ending, they, simply, cease to progress. I find myself wondering why this might be. OK, we’ll deal with the nasty one first. They may just sit there because the owner died. It’s inevitable that this will happen with some, but there isn’t really a feeling of that having happened. People who have described symptoms and side-effects previously haven’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary and all is going well, so, death seems an unlikely culprit for the majority. An alternative, and much more pleasant, possibility is that the owners recovered, but, once again, there isn’t really a feeling of that sort. You’d think, wouldn’t you, well at least I would think, that if you had the all clear then you might announce it on your blog about how ill you’ve been? So, if there’s no such announcement we can, sadly, probably rule that out too. So what is the truth about these blogs? Did the owners simply tire of the effort required to develop and maintain them or are they some kind of virtual crew for the Marie Celestes of the blogging world?

I’d love to hear what other people think about these.

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2 Comments

Filed under ABVD, Cancer, chemo, chemotherapy, fatigue, Hodgkins Lymphoma

2 responses to “It’s silly o’clock in the morning

  1. To answer your question: I can only write about my personal experience blogging: I am amazed everyday by how quickly the daily routine takes over when it can, and how quickly I forget that I am on chemo, as well as blogging about it, or in fact having anything to blog about. Cancer is a very personal experience, and I know I am fortunate to be able to write about it.
    I like what you wrote about ‘being positive’, and I hope that things continue to progress well and that you won’t have too many ‘badbad days’ 🙂

    • Thank you. Your comments resonate on so many levels.

      Isn’t it remarkable that you can write, and I can agree, “…I know I am fortunate to be able to write about [having cancer]”. If, in November, someone had told me I would feel fortunate to have cancer I would have laughed out loud.

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