So, it was Tuesday the 7th when I received chemo, Wednesday the 8th when I was tempted to think, “I don’t know why people go on about this, I feel fine”, and then Thursday the 9th when I just bombed and spent most of the day either sleeping or dozing. Eventually I pushed myself to get out of bed around 7 p.m. but I was definitely, totally, “out of it”. Walking required concentration. As each sole groped for the floor it was as though I was experiencing the touch through several layers of cardboard. Walking more than four or five steps left me needing to stand still for a few moments, or to sit down. For much of the day I felt queasy, not nauseous, just queasy, and I was far from sure whether or not this was the beginnings of nausea from the chemo, or just the consequences of not having put much food into my stomach for three days. I think it was just the empty stomach.
Today I awoke feeling much more like myself, got up and had breakfast before 7.30, and then went back to bed to doze some more. As the time approached for my 12 hourly anti-nausea pill my stomach once again began to feel queasy. Was the queasiness simply because I knew that the next pill was due, or was it the build up to my first, racking, bout of chemo-induced vomiting, or, once again, was my stomach simply in need of food? Well, I’ve taken my pill, eaten, and, the queasiness has passed, and I have no way of knowing what caused it to do so. This was the last of my twelve hourly pills and, I have to admit, I don’t know whether or not to be glad about that. As I understand it, I’m now through the period when I was most likely to suffer chemo-induced vomiting, so I should have no need to be concerned, but, obviously, a change of medication might mean that I now start to experience the vomiting and I am a wuss!!
Yesterday I had the concentration span of a day old baby, actually it might have been considerably less than that, and, although today is a considerable improvement I am aware that my ability to stay on task is limited to a couple of minutes at a time.
The feeling of being isolated and confined to the house and its immediate environs started yesterday and continues today. The latest post from oldermanyoungerman perfectly captured my feelings when he wrote “My confinement with cancer over the past six months, walking from bedroom to bathroom to computer room to the small outdoor patio and back to the bedroom…has made my world small.” I can feel my world contracting moment by moment.