Well, yesterday’s laugh was that I thought I could see blood around the top edge of the dressing on the holes in my neck, so did my wife until she took a closer look and then thought it was bruising; later she took another look and declared it to be the marker pen used by the surgeon when writing “cut here” or whatever surgeons write!
I think yesterday was a good day for both my wife and me, we were pretty much relaxed throughout the day and spent much of it with her son, who apologised for not being able to avoid looking straight at my dressing when we met. He couldn’t help it and neither can I when look in a mirror – it’s always there a bright white square of about 2 or 3 inches across. Oddly enough it’s always there when I don’t see it as the tape pulls on the neck of my skin and the dressing pads up to prevent my having full movement to my right – this being the reason I’ve cancelled my driving test, it’s a bit difficult to rotate and look through the rear screen for the reverse, and it’s almost impossible to just turn my head to the right to check oncoming traffic when reversing out of a parking space.
Today I can feel the tension growing inside as in an hour or so I’m due to go for a MUGA scan to see whether my heart is, or is, not up to taking the treatment which the doctor wants to give me! Will I get the results today? I don’t know. Do I want to know today? Probably. The stage of not knowing and working on probabilities and possibilities is beginning to stretch out and I’d like to know what my future might hold. The stress is probably getting to my wife even more than me.